dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
