last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
