this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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