I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
