I want to stick my p in your. b.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
