so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
