DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
