well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
