Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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