the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The adults are the big ones right?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize