I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I need a burrito and a hug.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
