Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
