Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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