And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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