I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
