ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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