Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
