And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize