So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Randomize
