He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
