Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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