Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
