1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
