apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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