Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize