girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
