I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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