Whod you bang
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Is Oprah even human
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
