I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
