How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
