My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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