I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
