We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
