is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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