just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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