I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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