Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
