There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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