i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
