Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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