So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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