If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
