who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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