Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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