cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
