i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
