I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
