Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
