Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
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