omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm experimenting with sincerity
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize