Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
