I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
