ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I want to have your abortion
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
