My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
