i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
