stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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