I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
