i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Randomize
