I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Please don't give away my fajitas
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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