Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
