hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize