Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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