trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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