Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
