i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
