she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
