i think my tv is drunk
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
