Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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