My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
