I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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