she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
